After the final discard, it was 3 of my daughters and I left to pick up the pieces. One of my daughters was an adult. She was not planning on moving at the time nor had she even talked about it that I recall. I asked her to stick around until child support started because I was not in a position to handle all of the bills on my own. I also wanted to go through the divorce process before I set child support on him while he did not have a job.
I am on a fixed income because of C-PTSD, an anxiety disorder, and a panic disorder. I depended on her at the time too much. Our world was changed and she felt she had too much responsibility and no freedom. We were getting to a place that worked. I was working two days a week and she was working four. Our rent was paid by my disability and our income paid the rest. We would be OK if we could just get through the divorce intact. I later learned that because at that time I was able to work because I had someone to watch my children, this would hurt my support in the long run and now I no longer work that job because I am out of the state.
Getting young adults to understand, nothing lasts forever and just a minor annoyance isn’t going to affect you for the rest of your life, is not easy. I also wished they understood that a promise is a promise. If you make a promise a selfish reason is not good enough to break that promise. My oldest moved in with us in May while pregnant. She was trying to find a job but with her pregnancy, she was unable to become gainfully employed. A few days after my oldest got there is when I filed the Domestic Violence Injunction. The summer kind of went by in a whirlwind of ups and downs with disappointment after disappointment and one court date after the other.
I could see the end in sight and that is when things turned upside down. My daughter left for work one night with a bag of clothes. Where was she going? What was she thinking? That was the first moment that she became angry. What did I do to her? She was not out of the house for 2 days before the ex, started contacting her and at the time I could not be certain who made the first contact. She was once as angry with him as I was. He rocked her world like he did mine. She was the one who brought the drug use to my attention and was the finder of all of the proof. Was she mad at me? Was she mad at her older sister? Other than us asking for her to clean up after herself, everything seemed to be working. Boy, was I wrong? She helped her friend who was homeless and living out of his car get into a trailer with his pregnant girlfriend and their son at the same time as making sure that her sisters, niece, nephew and I were left to figure it out.
As time has gone by I have learned that she is definitely angry with me. Not sure for what but with the disrespect I have gotten over and over since July by not only her but also her friends, it is not hard to figure it out. Divorcing a Narcissist reaches far outside just the relationship with the narcissist but also with everyone else involved. There is enough blame to go around but not everyone has an understanding of where some of the problems come from. I don’t have the energy to figure any of that out right now because as I said, in the beginning, I knew that I needed her to stick around because of the bills at the place we were living were outside my income alone. I could handle the rent but nothing more other than gas and some groceries. I was also supporting 5 other people other than myself on that income.
This month my world took a different turn. I was close to being homeless with my two minor daughters, my oldest, and my two grandchildren. My oldest decided that she wanted to raise her son with his father that she left during the pregnancy so that would mean that she would not be looking for work when she healed, she would be moving out of state. There would be no catching up on bills and I was at the mercy of what and where my adult child was going to take me because no matter what the only money I had would get me from point A to point B but would still leave the girls and me homeless. That is when I made the decision that until I could get my finances in order, child support on deck and my new business going, I needed to adjust.
In the just over a week that we have been here my youngest two and I have had a lot of heart to hearts. Because we have no house and are staying with family we decided that the best way to go with schooling is to homeschool which is something that I have wanted to do for a while, so if we find a house they don’t have to switch schools over and over. They are also going to stick with their current curriculum so that when we do make it back to Florida they will be on target. My little ones are enjoying their new adventure as I am getting used to being back home. We have now settled in with some family and we are ready for our new adventure.
I don’t know all of the answers or always make the best decisions but I am not going to beat myself up if I make the wrong one I am just going to live with my choices because I did not make them out of malice. What would you do if you were in my position? Has anything similar happened to you?