After narcissistic abuse, there are many survivors who deal with triggers. They can come in many forms. A song on the radio can be a trigger to remind you of a bad time that may have taken place while that song was on. It may be that you avoid anything that would remind you of your abuser. My trigger is hearing the sound of his voice. Having a domestic violence injunction on him for 3 months was when I discovered this trigger and knew there was but one way to stop it. No contact via phone.

 

Last week, after about a month and a half of no attempt, he called. His voicemail was soft-spoken because he was playing the part of the injured father who only wants to speak to his children, even though he can contact them directly through hangouts. He tried to tell me where I was located, which was false, but it also triggered his narcissistic rage.

 

The voicemail

Hi Misty, this is X, this is my home number [insert number]. Um, I was just calling to see how things are going after awaiting any possible attempt on either of the girls’ end on that side but I guess that’s not going to happen without me doing the leg work. So, um, anyway, I am very much interested in seeing how things are going for all of you and um, I’m working this evening but will be off and home, actually, tonight’s probably not that good. Anyway, I wanted to make the call while I was thinking about it and had a second. I can be called on messenger if I have WiFi because, um, I don’t currently have a phone in service. So, um, anyway, if you get a chance to call me back personally if they don’t want to that would be fine and you can relay the information in regards to them. I’m curious to see how the new baby is too and all of that. I am assuming that you are in Tennessee now since I got child support paperwork from there. Anyway, give me a shout and we can chat and possibly have an opportunity to talk with the kids and um, we’ll talk to you later, have a good day.

My children have talked to him about why they did not want to talk to him and they also said they would call him in an attempt to get him to stop calling them. The last time he sent me text messages, which is against the divorce decree, I answered them on this website. There are so many times that I have said over the years, Actions speak louder than words. I am hopeful he soon gets the point.

In order for this man to get any kind of parenting time in the future, he is going to have to pay his support, get it current, seek a psychological evaluation with someone who specializes in Cluster B personality disorders, court-appointed drug tests, and to take the parenting class that FL requires you to have when you divorce with children. I simply answered with the kids don’t want to talk and sent a link to the blog where I have spelled out the steps that he must take to get parenting time. It simply said “the kids don’t want to talk and stop calling my phone. You are court ordered to contact through email.”

 

Narcissistic Rage

You are the worst kind of person for discouraging a relationship with my kids! It would be very simple for you to change that. By you choosing not to is absolutely the most disgusting thing a mother could do. You should be completely ashamed of yourself. Go ahead and sit on your little pedestal for now, but just remember that karma is a bitch. BTW, I see no reason to deny living in Tennessee. Your child support goes through the state you live in. But whatever…I just want to say hi and tell my girls I miss and love them and want to here how they are…from them. Why does this have to be so fucking difficult? Please, just work it out! I will gladly praise and say only how wonderful you are for doing so. No reason not to Misty….I got no beef besides this ..at all.  Do the right thing.

Let me remind everyone that he has a way to contact my children that does not include me. He can contact them on Hangouts which is the only avenue that they have agreed to allow him to have. The last time he tried through there was on New Year’s day. My children are twelve and nine and have a mind of their own. I don’t talk badly about him, I just show them what he says. I allow them to read the venom that comes out of his mouth just in case they face the same in the future. Nothing I tell my children is an opinion it is a matter of fact. So my question here would be if I am just allowing them to read what he has to say, am I really discouraging it, or just letting them make an informed decision? I choose the latter.

 

News Flash!!!!!!! Your daughter told you to leave her alone. It has nothing to do with me. The only thing I could do is FORCE them to talk to you and you’re only going to lie so no that’s not what I plan on doing. My mailing address is in TN but I don’t live there. My mail is there and child support is going to go through there because someone can check my mail. I told you in the open letter to you and your mother what was happening and I’m doing it without any help from you in sixteen months. The girls have met cousins, aunts, and uncles in Tennessee, Texas, Missouri where we are now, and in 2 weeks we go to New York. Stop deflecting, I’m not the liar here. After we go to New York the girls and I will discuss our home state. We’ve had a lot of time to see a lot of country and we have a lot of favorites.

Karma is a bitch and she seems to be paying a visit to you. Enjoy her wrath. The girls will call you if and when they want to. You made this difficult, not me. Have a good night.

Still hopeful that this would all go away I awaited his next response.

 

Speaking out of both sides of his mouth.

As usual, no attempt at an “ok, let’s work on this”…. always a excuse or justification of why you can or can’t do something! This is what makes you suck! You are full of shit and carry it with you proudly…I really don’t get it? You gain by doing the right thing here…instead you talk so much about how horrible I am but NEVER try to simply be “real” about things. I completely, truly, totally, unmistakably want to resolve and have closure with you that benefits both of us in the long run. Let’s do this, you yourself call me at midnight tonight. I don’t want to fight, but I want a solid adult talk with you. I have some things I need to get honest about and furthermore I am sick of dealing with the nasty bitchy pissy Misty!!! Please call me to show you are woman enough and make sure the real Misty calls because she will be speaking to the real XX…..you want to make this call, trust me….it will be the only chance for it and will affect you for the rest of your life.  Don’t bother messaging back …make thàt call.

I have tried over and over this last year to compromise and do this the friendly way and he has continued to handle things like a child over the last year. Had he handled any of the divorce processes like an adult and given me everything I needed from him, I could see this working out different, but he refused. He does not want to fight but every one of his emails is mean and nasty.

I will be sticking with the court order, thanks!

He still doesn’t get it. He does not understand that I can not talk to him at all, period.

Misty ..just call me please at midnight…this is a me and you talk that needs to happen…beyond that I will play your game how you want it played…promise. I need to personally talk to you and not in a stupid email…just freaking call me…I swear I will not be an asshole, dickhead, douchenozzle etc…..call me…it will be worth it to you… promise

A promise from a man who has never kept one.

We can talk through email. There’s nothing you can offer that would benefit me. I’m doing great and living my best life. That, unfortunately, doesn’t include you.

Have you taken the parenting class?

Have you caught up on your child support?

Have you found a psychologist that specializes in cluster B personality disorders?

Have you petitioned the court to amend the parenting plan?

If the answer is no to any of those questions, then sir, I still have sole custody and you have zero parenting time. I don’t need closure from you. That book closed. So don’t hold your breath.

Not sure what part of my email was hard to understand but there was still more.

Misty, I have asked… respectfully and finally. The rest is up to you….I will leave the time available just in case you have a change of heart. I hope that you do. Bye for now

This was not the end of this conversation. I emailed him the next day about filing his taxes. I will be writing about that later in the week.

 

When talking with the narcissist in your life do you feel like you repeat the same things over and over? Leave me a comment and let me know how you handled it.

 

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