There isn’t a moment of the day that I would put myself through the type of abuse he dishes out ever again so no fear I am not trying to take your man. I thank you for taking his attention from bullying and harassing me while he lies about loving his children and doing the right thing in a public forum but behind the scenes, like my email, he is someone completely different. If you’re a blog reader just pay attention. I am well on my way on the road to healing because the picture of the two of you did not even phase me. He still looks in the throws of addiction and I am happy to be rid of it.
Protect your children! He doesn’t hit them he just likes to play with their head. He will also blame them for things that have nothing to do with them. Make promises he never intends on keeping. The way he treats you will affect them because eventually, you will fight back. You are beautiful and have a long life ahead of you. Pay attention to the changes that you go through and notice the toxicity. I would hate for you to waste the decade I did. If it does happen I promise, you will come out stronger than you were before but it will leave you wondering about what is true and what is not. Always remember knowledge is power. Take pictures often of yourself. You will see the changes that the stress of being with someone like him brings.
He wants everything that you want in the beginning. Whatever that may be. This will soon change and he will tell you that it is your fault for it not being so anymore. He is really good at lying. To the point, he will make you believe him even when you know for sure it is not true. He will convince you that the things you see and hear are not actually fact. Spend some time journaling. You will need it to unwind the confusion. I wish I had done this more often so I could go back and see the pattern better. Love bomb, Devalue, Discard, repeat. He will find the one thing that has a way of hitting the spot and use it over and over. Never let him see that something hurts or bothers you or he will pick at it like a scab.
He may tell you all of his exes are crazy as well as his mom because that is what he told me but I see now they are all BFFs. They will pull you in too and if you stand against what any of them think or feel they will turn on you. There was once a time when everyone thought I was the best thing to happen to him because he gave up drinking while he was with me. Not so much anymore as they think I am evil and I keep my kids away from them because of the stories he tells that I can guarantee are not true. My children choose not to be involved in their drama or his.
He gets angry with liquor so be careful. I see that he is drinking with you and has plenty of money to do that. Let me tell you while he is out spending time and money on you, he hasn’t supported his children in 11 months and told them today that he could not send them money for costumes because he can’t work his side jobs because of rain. Funny considering he is supposed to be clean and sober has no bills and two jobs. He is so broke he still has to get a side job?
I am sure he will tell you that I was bipolar and on disability. Let me clear that up for you. For four and a half years he called me bipolar because of my very human reaction to constantly being lied to about everything at the same time being manipulated to believe that everything was my fault. Some symptoms mirrored bipolar disorder but I was missing the main component being mania. I now have the correct diagnosis of Complex Post Traumatic Disorder, an anxiety disorder, and a panic disorder. These are results of the covert narcissistic abuse I endured. Get familiar with the symptoms because doctors are linking anxiety disorders to narcissistic abuse and if you haven’t dealt with it yet, it may be closer than you think. It took about 2 years for me.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. When this becomes an issue for you, reach out. I will point you in the right direction for the support you will need to get out. I found my tribe after he was gone and if I had done my research before I did, I could have had the support long before. I am here to offer it to you when you need it.
Pay attention to who he talks bad about behind their back but is nice to their face and remember he is doing it to you too.
I suggest never taking any kind of medication that will render you defenseless. He loves to have sex with unconscious women. If he denies it I have emails that will back me up. Also if you deny sex he will rage from his narcissistic injury and place his hands around your throat or give you the silent treatment or worse yet, take it anyway. I will remain no contact from him as it is the only way I can heal. C-PTSD is something you might want to get familiar with if you plan on a long-term commitment.
I don’t care how you met or when or why but I think it is awesome that you got to make it FB official on the date of our final hearing that was continued, you can guarantee that was purposeful because all he does is play games. Unfortunately for him, I won’t take part. If you don’t want to be dating a married man, I suggest you change the date on your relationship status from 8/24 to 10/8. He will be divorced then if the judge grants it but you never know?
He is someone completely different in public than he is in private and if you ever have the pleasure of moving him in your house with your kids you will soon see what I mean. He is able to keep his mask from slipping too early and when it does you may be in too deep. You ever need to talk, you know where to find me.
Did he happen to tell you that he was not clean when he met me or at any other time in our relationship? All that says to me is that he never truly knew me but I know exactly who he is now. I have two beautiful daughters out of it and for that, I am thankful. He may tell you I bad mouth him to them. I will tell you that is false. My girls have asked me not to talk to him or about him and we don’t. The only thing they want him for now is to get the things they want that I can not afford because I have been the sole provider for them since I kicked him out in November 2017. So when he is taking you out to the bar and spending hundreds on drinks, you are drinking his kids’ new shoes or braces for their teeth.
He moved and gave his children a week to process it and when they wanted to talk to him about it he listened for two minutes and then walked away in a huff without saying goodbye. His last words to my 8 yr old in a telephone conversation was, “Tell your mom to get a fucking job!” She is now 9 and has not talked to him since that day. Every holiday will be ruined in one way or another with him and there is always drama that will be blamed on you. The beginning will seem great but it will quietly and gradually change. You will look at yourself like it is your fault.
If he has his youngest son up there, keep an eye on your daughter. He grabbed his own sisters behind in a fashion that made her super uncomfortable, not once but twice. When your boyfriend found out he was supposed to talk to him. When I called his son’s mom she said “he says he didn’t do it.” That was the last time they saw him. Hindsight says I should have called the cops and filed a complaint but it may be a non-issue in a little over a week, (at the time I was typing this) because I am going for sole custody. Just keep your little girl safe.
Just a heads up, What you are experiencing now is called love bombing.
Don’t let him change you!