The final discard was November 19, 2017. At this time I was broken, I was shocked, I was broke. My husband was in detox and I had just learned that there was not a moment he was clean in our marriage. Every time he was sick in bed with the “man flu” he was actually withdrawing from opioids. As easy as it would have been to say, addiction is a disease and he can’t help it, I knew there was so much more to it. Not all drug addicts make other people think they are crazy. That is when my quest began. I needed to know why he was able to snowball me for so many years. Who was this man that I had in my home? Will I ever be able to find me again?
I had a lot of support from my fellow PTO moms. Amanda and Tiffani showed me what true friendship was all about. While we were decorating the cafeteria at the school for cookies and milk with Santa, I finally had someone other than my children to talk to and I let loose. I vented my worries and fears and these two ladies jumped into action. Amanda took me to Sam’s and purchased everything that I might need over the next several months until I could get caught up and get it on my own. Tiffani took me to a store and set my kids up for Christmas. It was the first time a positive light was shown to me for a long time and I will never be able to thank them enough.
Tiffani is a psychology major and suggested I read Psychopath Free after talking to her about my marriage and things I had been through. I did this and it started the path that has led me to where I am now writing blogs and helping others navigate through a divorce. After reading this book I realized that I have been dealing with a narcissist. I found a lot of support online but finding it within my community was nearly impossible. I was seeing a therapist at the time and the only thing she was concerned with was managing my anxiety. With time I have learned that my anxiety is not the issue because I only have it when dealing with him.
I watched videos about narcissism on Youtube. I watched hours and hours of videos and learned that unless you have been through it, it can be hard to understand, but at this time I was fully understanding. I did not cut contact with him in the beginning. I was hoping I could get some sort of child support out of him so that I would not have to make any quick decisions and that is when I realized that a form of abuse he likes to use is financial abuse. To the next fool that carries his name, keep everything separate.
January 10 was the beginning of the end.