Here I sit today and I find myself in survival mode again. I am no longer a victim, I am a survivor, but today I am not feeling like a thriver. I took my girls to school this morning but if I am being honest, I haven’t done anything else except watch some TV and sit on my bed since then.
When the mask slips off a narcissist you find yourself wondering how in the hell you did not notice the real them before now. I am seeing another mask slip. I have had a lot of time to talk with a family member recently and now I know she is living with a lot of what I lived with during my marriage. When someone is constantly badgering you and saying you’re crazy, you begin to own it. It is not a joke and not cute at all.
My mission is to help as many people get out of these types of relationships as I can so no one has to feel the way that I have and do. I should be able to wake up and get my kids rolling and take care of my other errands in the day or even take a shower and not live in constant fear because of the flashbacks, but I can’t. Or the anxiety from the financial stress that not receiving child support will do. I am one person taking care of three. He is one person taking care of one.
Unfortunately, this is how it goes sometimes when divorcing a narcissist. They think they are above the law and they have no responsibility. I know one day I won’t need it and that is the day I look forward to but right now, I will just survive.
Today I will shower and do my best to get my errands taken care of but if I am unable to I will not be hard on myself it will just give me things I need to do next week.