Survival Mode after Abuse
by Misty Dawn | Jan 18, 2019
Here I sit today and I find myself in survival mode again. I am no longer a victim, I am a survivor, but today I am not feeling like a thriver. I took my girls to school this morning but if I am being honest, I haven’t done anything else except watch some TV and sit on my bed since then.
When the mask slips off a narcissist you find yourself wondering how in the hell you did not notice the real them before now. I am seeing another mask slip. I have had a lot of time to talk with a family member recently and now I know she is living with a lot of what I lived with during my marriage. When someone is constantly badgering you and saying you’re crazy, you begin to own it. It is not a joke and not cute at all.
My mission is to help as many people get out of these types of relationships as I can so no one has to feel the way that I have and do. I should be able to wake up and get my kids rolling and take care of my other errands in the day or even take a shower and not live in constant fear because of the flashbacks, but I can’t. Or the anxiety from the financial stress that not receiving child support will do. I am one person taking care of three. He is one person taking care of one.
Unfortunately, this is how it goes sometimes when divorcing a narcissist. They think they are above the law and they have no responsibility. I know one day I won’t need it and that is the day I look forward to but right now, I will just survive.
Today I will shower and do my best to get my errands taken care of but if I am unable to I will not be hard on myself it will just give me things I need to do next week.
Misty I understand how you are feeling I have days like that too! You are right do not be too hard on yourself sweetie. One day at a time. We did not get this way over night and we did not do it to ourselves. I spent 35 yrs in my fog until 2 yrs ago I was woken by the truth of the trauma bond and abuse I had been in and like you I am a survivor and we have to keep on surviving! Why ? because we can not let them win! Thriving is the ultimate revenge! We are not alone and have to keep reaching out to one another! Lean on one another and keep up the good fight! God Bless Kimberley Ordaz💕