The dictionary result for an enabler is a person or thing that makes something possible.
“the people who run these workshops are crime enablers”
a person who encourages or enables negative or self-destructive behavior in another.
“being an enabler to an addict does more harm than good”
A personality trait of an enabler is to be helpful. For the most part, enabling is seen as being helpful or supportive by the person committing the enabling behavior. In a codependent relationship, the enabler struggles with the stress of their loved one’s addiction or unbecoming behavior.
My ex is a drug addict and has been enabled by his parents and other members of his family over time. I had asked at one point that they not allow him to borrow money without contacting me first as I was the one who dealt with the finances and would know if money was needed and could see the amount he was trying to borrow to have knowledge how money was spent.
I did not ask them for money nor did they tell me but at the end of our marriage, he owed them thousands of dollars. They enabled him to purchase drugs on numerous occasions unbeknownst to me which helped lead to the demise of our marriage.
Now, as the flying monkeys soar and try to give him information on me I have chosen not to be their enabler. My kids will not be on his facebook asking why he is not writing sweet nothings about them because their choice not to see or talk to him is theirs and he has no control. I wish you all would realize that you are just giving him his much-needed supply.
When you are begging him for money or love that you think he owes you, he is getting supply. This is why I have chosen not to have anything to do with anyone that is still connected to him and I will not have anything to do with him alone because my children and I have been his main source of supply for too long. I fought for my marriage and for my husband to be the man he claimed to be even though it made me sicker over the years.
Want to know how to stop the cycle? Break the circle.