Financial Abuse: The abuse that keeps on giving
by Misty Dawn | Dec 28, 2018
Financial abuse happens in most domestic violence abuse situations. If your spouse has controlled your ability to use, acquire, or maintain financial resources you have been financially abused.
Not only did my ex abuse me to the point that I lost all confidence in every aspect of my life, he also made sure the resources that I did have coming in were always the first spent he also made sure that he spent the resources he had coming in without being honest with what it was he was bringing in.
I was a homeowner when we met and that was one of the hardest losses. Several years into our relationship and after having two of his children, the house went into foreclosure because he wasn’t paying the bill even though he told me he would when we decided I would stay home with the kids. There was a time we were separated after losing the house he chose not to help with paying the storage fees, the stuff in storage was mostly mine so he had nothing to lose, but when I was drained of money my stuff was gone.
Deflecting was the name of the game. According to him, if I had worked I would not have lost anything nevermind the childcare I would have had to pay if I did work. I could not count on him for anything.
Now that the divorce is final and I know the court has the control he still isn’t paying child support, he makes promises to my kids to pay for things they want and does not deliver, and I realize now that money is his way to manipulate them to do what he wants. I have let them decided how they feel about and handle the lies and they have decided no contact is what is best for them.
In what ways were you financially abused? Is it still happening even though you are no longer together?
My NARC knocked me up while unemployed. And 14mos later knocked me up again! With the cost of child care it didn’t make good $$ sense for me to return to work since my whole check would be eaten up by childcare exp., Car, gas, food for the day etc. So basically, I became a shut in with no $$$ (allowance) he refused to give me any weekly $$$ for my work in the home and caring for the kids…. I did it all for the family of 4 and he did nothing, period! Basically, he shanghied the marriage and with family over 1600 miles away, I had no one to help watch my back and he ran with all the control while I was locked into an abusive/financially distatute marriage (and I mean flat broke) where I have to come to him to ask for tampons, or underwear, etc. It’s hell.. I’ve been stuck for 20yrs now and now that our children have graduated from school, he’s ramped up the neglect and abuse! I wouldn’t wish this existence on my worst enemy!
The financial abuse is the worst for me. There was many years (37.6yrs)of welfare, homelessness, cash jobs,addiction, broken glass, broken vehicles. Even when times were financially good, I was the one who maintained any kind of full time employment. It was up to me to build up our credit, go into debt for things he wanted. He led me to believe all his financial shortcomings and deciet all the while robbing Peter to pay Paul so I could feel what was in my wallet and see what was in his.